I’m nearly half way through my very own Dry July where I haven’t give up alcohol but, rather my dating apps. Same concept, different kind of thirst.
Since giving the swiping up I suddenly have a lot of free time on my hands. So, I thought I would share what I have learnt so far from dating in Sydney.
NOTE: When guys find out I write a blog they often ask if I'm going to write an article about them... for some today is their lucky day!
Your roommates are now responsible for your life
“How long do you think it would take before people realised you were missing?” I was asked two drinks in on a first date. He quickly followed up that it was a weird question to ask on a first date and he assured me he wouldn't kill me but, it really hit home that as a woman you just never know if your drink date is going to end with him Josef Fritzl-ing you in his basement. Plus, when you move to a new city where you don’t really know people or places it probably increases your chances of becoming a statistic.
My "in case of an emergency" persons are in Hobart and, would be little to no help in noticing if I didn't return home from a date. So, instead that duty of my life falls to the people I have known for seven months - my roommates. Whenever I go on a date now, I tell them his name and where he works so, when they raise the alarm with the police at least they have some information on suspect numero uno.
Oh, and for the record/fear of legal action the guy who asked that question was completely harmless and I am definitely still alive and not writing this trapped in a room in his basement.
Don’t lend out books on the first date
I feel that 90% of the population would look at that headline and their response would be “no shit, of course you shouldn’t do that”. This warning is for those people in the 10%, like I was.
So, I matched with this guy on Tinder and we were bantering over the Netflix show Mindhunter which explores how the FBI started profiling criminals. I asked him if he had read Jon Ronson’s “The Psychopath Test” (don’t worry, the irony is not lost on me) and, he told me he hadn’t. It's one of my favourite books and it was a gift from a friend that I had lent out on multiple occasions. Therefore, telling this guy that I had never met that he could borrow it seemed like the most normal offer in the world to me. When I handed it over to him I stressed that the book was a boomerang and I was expected it back.
Yes, it went exactly how you think it did because, cut to a few weeks later and he ghosted me whilst still being in possession of my book. Let me tell you my ego took a double hit with that move. I knew where he lived and offered book retrieval methods and missions and to buy him a copy of the book but, to no avail. The book was gone, girl.
A handful of bookstores later I was able to buy myself a new copy but, it wasn't the same because the original held so many sentimental memories and was one of a select few books that made the move to Sydney with me.
Don't fear however because while I may not have gotten my book back I now reserve the right to refer to him as “The Book Thief” until the day I take my final breath on this earth.
Sydney boys like long dates
Now, I am very aware that it takes two to tango but, dates in Sydney are SOOOOO much longer in duration than my Hobart dates ever were - and, while I’d like to think the reason is because I’m human sunshine with the desirability of a Victoria Secret angel I highly doubt that to be the case.
So far my record for a date is six hours.... and, I want to stress that we weren’t even doing a thing like watching a movie or participating in an activity - it was just six hours of talking over drinks. Now, I’ve written to Guinness Book of World Records and am still waiting on confirmation for the title.
On average, however, I reckon my dates would sit in the four to five hour range. Again, stressing that this does not include an activity and is just talking over drinks. I mean, it's obviously not a bad thing because it implies that we get along but, I've met me and even I don’t think being in my company for extended periods of time is a good thing. Especially when you consider that after hour two you know I’m just talking shit!
I’ve now come to the conclusion that I am going to need to bring an hourglass along with me on the date and sit it on the table so we both know that when the final piece of sand falls to the bottom then it’s time wrap up. That, or I could wear a watch.
Breakfast radio and dating don’t mix
"Do you want to get a glass of wine or a bottle?" he asked me at 7pm on a Monday night. Now, when you consider that my alarm goes off at 3.17am every day for work you would be wondering why I was even out at all and, you would be urging me to take the glass option. I did not. Now, a bottle of wine combined with the length of a Sydney date meant that my sleep that night was limited at best.
Now, if you're thinking I learnt from that experience and my 3 hours of sleep then think again!
Instead, I live in great denial about how early I start work and, I am 100% to blame because the guys I have dated are acutely aware of my early starts and offer me multiple outs if I want them. I don't take them because, when it comes to choosing between dating and working breakfast radio hours I'm like the Ol' El Paso girl who tries to make both work. Unfortunately, life is not a taco.
Take the Two Birds mentality
I’ve written before about my “YES” approach to Sydney life and therefore according to this mentality when a guy asks me out for a drink I always say yes… except, for the guy in the tunnel who stopped me to give me his number before 6am on a weekday. I did not say yes to him. I'm not an idiot.
Saying yes to a drink means I get to meet someone new AND go to a place I've never been before. With the prize being that if he turns out to be a dud then at least i've been able to try out a new bar or restaurant. In fact, it’s largely thanks to dating that I’ve been able to explore the venues of my new city.
I’m such a fan of this two bird theory that I specifically now suggest going somewhere new for a date rather than going back to a tried and tested establishment. Plus, when he refuses to let you pay it's like Miley Cyrus and the best of both worlds.
The other message inbox gets a workout
Regardless if you’re on the dating app Tinder or Bumble or Hinge or Happn the general operating method is that two people must swipe/match each other before they can start talking.
However, since moving to Sydney I’ve noticed that guys here often don’t play by the rules and instead of waiting to see if it’s a match, they seek you out on other social media platforms like Instagram and Facebook and start trying to talk to you there. It's like instead of talking to you in the same room they start shouting at you from down the hallway instead.
Now, the problem for them, however, is that their messages go straight to your others folder because you're not friends. Which means that the chances of them being ignored is very high not, only because you don't necessarily know they're there but, also because you get so inundated with filth messages that you learn to ignore the other message inbox completely.
I mean , honestly, rejection on one app is bad enough why go seeking rejection across the platforms?!
In conclusion, this is what I’ve learnt from dating in Sydney… but, since I’m still single - what the hell would I know?